Quality time is when a parent spends 10 to 45 minutes one-on-one with their child or teen. This is a time when there are no interruptions, and while the parent sets the “when,” the child or teen sets the “how.” It’s a time when the parent is fully attentive, has set aside distractions, and steps into their child’s or teen’s world.
It’s a time when rules and limitations are limited, and a parent gives their child a chance to bask in their parent’s approval and demonstrate their own preferences and interests naturally.
Mutual Benefits of Quality Time
- Repairing connection
- Creating connection
- Gaining perspective
- Role modelling healthy relationships
- Enjoying one another’s company
How to Create Quality Time with a Teen
Mindset
To set up quality time, it’s important for parents not to think of it as a time to raise concerns or issues—it is not a time to bring up sore subjects. In Penticton, if your offer of spending quality time together is rejected, don’t give up.
Support
Ensure you have your own support—someone you can talk to who really understands your concerns and provides you with support. This could be a partner, a friend, a family member, a neighbour, or a faith-based leader. Having this support helps you release the emotions that your teenager might ignite in you.
Be Low-Key and Natural
Initiate time together without announcing it to your teen or drawing attention to it. For example, this might be asking about online news they’ve been reading, videos on TikTok they’ve seen or posted, taking an interest in certain sports or video games, or learning about a specific makeup application technique.
Another idea is to spend time listening to music together, where the parent really listens to the lyrics and offers subtle reflections about the music.
The key is to pay attention to your teen in a low-key way. Don’t rush to ask questions or try to be their best friend. Look for opportunities to offer approval and just hang out.
Building quality time that offers your approval, interest, and no reference to difficulties helps break isolation in the relationship. There are long-term effects to practicing empathy and active listening—spending quality time with your child allows everyone to stay regulated and aware of opportunities for collaborative problem-solving, instead of shutting down and not listening to one another.
Jennifer Povoledo RSW, CCC
Jennifer is a Child and Family Counsellor specializing in working with children and youth and providing parent coaching. She proudly works and humbly lives on the unceded and ancestral territory of the Syilx Nation and peoples, where she has resided for the last nine years. With a wealth of knowledge about early years, preteen, and teen parenting, Jennifer is also a parent herself and aims to live a simple, beautiful life.
Monarch Child and Family Counselling
Penticton, BC
(250) 550-1101
monarchchildandfamily@gmail.com
www.monarchcounselling.org
Source:
Hand in Hand Parenting
